Living for an Audience of One

(This is a personal exploration of my feelings about writing and creating.)

Oh, Jesus, my trembling hands present my childish creation to you,

And lay it at your feet.

It is my feeble attempt to express these bubbling thoughts within me,

To in a sense try to draw and paint this wellspring of life in you that is beginning to overflow.

It is my terrified effort to be who you made me.

It is my timid venture at being Paul Lewis.

It causes me to realize that I’m only an older version

Of the kid standing in the white tee shirt and blue jeans

With two front teeth missing

Holding my crayon drawing of dinosaurs fighting.

Afraid.

Fearing rejection.

Wanting to live and create but paralyzed by criticism.

I tried to do a good job, Jesus,

But sometimes my coloring didn’t stay in the lines.

And I’ve got ink on my fingers and glue in my hair,

But it’s the best I can do.

I hope you like it.

I wonder if you will put it on your refrigerator,

Or tape it on the wall of your house somewhere.

Do you like it?

Will you accept this piece of me that I’m giving to you?

(Thank you that you do put my stuff on your refrigerator.

Thank you that you capture my childish scribbling for eternity.)

As I lay it before you, I wonder what others think about it,

I glance around to see their reactions,

To see if they are impressed with what I have done.

Do they snicker?

Would they put it in the trash can

Or trample it on the floor?

Would they disregard it,

And think that it is hopelessly awful?

Or do they think it’s good,

That it is valuable, worth keeping?

Worth passing on or putting on the wall or quoting?

Ugh.

How can I learn to present my gifts to you alone with single eye?

Can I learn to be so totally enamored with you that I don’t care what others think? 

Can I learn to live for an audience of One?

Can I learn to live for You only,

To please you and that you would be my joy?

That you would be my only object of worship?

Release me from the bondage of the opinions of others!

Break the chains of compulsively trying to get "likes" and "stars" from people. 

Free me from the fetters of trying to be understood!

 Also, Jesus, make me satisfied completely in you and your presence.

Cause me to eagerly anticipate your next blog post!

Cause me check your status throughout the day

And to anxiously wait for living words from you!

Oh, that I would watch for your comments and your “likes”.

Cause me to live for an audience of One.

Sgs 4:9 "You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes."

Psa 16:11         You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.

Psa 16:5           The LORD is the portion of my inheritance and my cup;

Psa 16:8           I have set the LORD continually before me;